Ways to talk about money with the person you love

You are far from alone if you are scared of bringing up money in conversations with your partner. More often than not, it results in a feud. You cannot absolutely avoid money talks with your romantic partner; after all, in months to come, you will be sharing decisions with your partner about moving in, getting married and having kids. Your financial condition lays the foundation for most of the big decisions you make in your life, so it is all but impossible to ignore to discuss money.

Various experts have revealed that people hesitate to make it part of their conversations as they are fearful and guilt-stricken. Nobody is perfect at money management. There is nothing worrying about admitting to your partner that your credit report is not pristine. Financial discussions can enlighten you with ways to fix your problems.

How should you strike up a comfortable money conversation?

Here is how you can successfully make money in conversations with your partner:

• Creep money into conversations

The best time to start talks about money is now. The sooner you start, the better it is for your relationship. Of course, you would not want to let your partner find skeletons in the closet, but acceptance can help carry out conversations without any dissension.  

Amid the excitement of the first date, you romanticise about planning your wedding and honeymoon, but you never bother to disclose to each other that you have instalment loans to pay off or your credit card debt is just killing you.

Gradually sweep money into your conversations. For instance, you can discuss:

• How will the rent be shared?
• Has your partner agreed to pay more if they earn more?

Once you get into the stride, you will be able to handle more complex conversations.

• Choose the right time

Make sure that the settings allow for conversations about money. You cannot just randomly pick a moment and start talking about it if you do not want to offend your partner’s mood. The worst time to start is when you are rushing out of the door. You may probably choose this slot as you do not want to have deep conversations, but your problems cannot be solved.

Do not forget that financial infidelity is the second big reason for a rise in divorces. The morning time, when you are getting ready for the office or doing household chores, and the night time, just before going to bed, are horribly bad ideas for starting money conversations.

Instead, you should choose a fixed time slot when you both are free to have some serious discussions.

• Make an appointment. Your partner should have time to discuss it, too. Each date does not need to be reserved for romantic conversations.
• Do not spring the discussion on them as they walk in the door. That is the worst time. Chances are you will get a heated argument.
• You should choose the time that suits you both. When you are having dinner, doing the dishes together or taking a stroll down the street can be a good time to discuss money.

At least once a week, you should make a schedule for money talks.

• Stick to serious topics

 It sounds scary to talk about debts you owe. You may not want to admit that your credit profile is not good now, but you will have to face the music when you seek to take out a mortgage or a joint loan. What if one of you takes an instant business loan for your start-up, and the other one is supposed to act as a guarantor?

Just bear in mind that nobody can be perfect in money management. Everyone has some flaws. You should keep discussing all aspects of finances as it will help you come up with effective solutions. Over time, these conversations will become a little easier, and you will not feel stressed and anxious any more.

If you avoid talking about money at the beginning stage of your relationship, you will certainly face many complications later. Your partner will not be able to trust you, and chances are your marriage starts falling apart.

• It should not be a one-time conversation

Money conversations are held to solve financial problems. You should be patient while discussing money. Make sure you have a sympathetic ear. Keep an eye on your partner’s reactions, and do not go hard on them if you are actually serious about making changes in your financial life.

Believe it or not, money problems, if not addressed in time, can turn your financial life upside down. You should try to take them seriously. Do not treat them as a one-time conversation or something you need to do for the sake of it.

Make arrangements to deal with your money problems and ensure that you both are reading from the same page.

• It is never too late

You may think that it is too late to discuss money matters. You have already fallen into debt, and your budget has blown up. Well, you can start over. It is not the end of life. When you do not talk about money at all, problems will become serious. As a result, you will fail to nip them in the bud.

Do not bury your head in the sand. You should rather bring the subject up and find out ways to deal with your problems. You should never let things fester. Deal with them as immediately as they come up.

The final word

It can be hard to strike up a conversation about money with your partner. There are chances of fights and arguments, but it is vital to make your financial life smooth later.

You should carefully choose a slot. Make sure you and your partner decide it mutually. Be a patient listener and come up with effective solutions to surmount your problems. This does not need to be only a one-time conversation. Discuss your problems as and when they pop up. It can be scary in the beginning, but soon you will become comfortable.